01/14/14
So, I haven't checked in for a while. It has been a real journey trying to stay on track with my weight loss while working my way through my grief process. I am so thankful that I have had the lap-band and AdvoCare in my life to help me keep on the weight loss while I am working through this time, because the journeys really do go hand in hand. I come to realize that I have a relationship with food that isn't always the best. I would turn to food to try and feel better, and now that I am limited in my intake abilities I have been able to really ask myself "are you really hungry" "are you thirsty" "are you just sad" because these questions we take for granted.
Here I am in all my glory. My heaviest weight and my lowest weight since 1996! Actually, I can, for the first time in a long time, say "I am high school skinny" and then some. Because I bought my first pair of size 22 jeans on Sunday. What a glorious day to walk into the store and fit in a pair of 22 jeans! I have been a size 24 since my freshman year in high school. The picture on the left was my heaviest and I was in a size 28 jeans because the 26 fit tight. I am excited at the changes I am seeing. I am finally seeing them. I know that I have lost weight, but a part of me still sees that big girl on the left. Still wanting to cover up and hide. Still not sure if I am this or that. However, the change is the mindset. I have decided that 2014 is my year to go above and beyond. 2014 is my year to push forward and to change the mindset so that I am the change I want and strive to see in the world. I want to help others. I want to inspire others and I aspire to be better tomorrow than I am today. That sounds very pageant of me, but it really is true.
I've started reading more and trying to watch tv less. I am trying to better my mind, body and soul. I am blessed to be on this journey and I can't wait to see where this year leads me!
Diary of a Fatty ~ My Journey
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Milestone Reached!
Friday, May 17, 2013
Checking In
Friday May 17, 2013.
So, it has now been a month since I decided to do the Advocare challenge. I shall write more about that in just a moment.
Since the last post I did a weigh in at True Results.
On 5/8/13 I weighed 307. We added .4cc to make a total of 4.2cc in the band now.
Today I got on the scale and 301.8!!!! If you don't believe me .. see below
I am so grateful to my cousin for getting me to the Advocare mixer at her house. I said no several times because I wanted to see this band succeed by itself with my eating right and working out. I was in a plateau. I would bounce between 308 and 310. When I started the challenge I was 310.6.
I am beyond excited to be out of that plateau and back into the groove of losing weight. This has been the best decision I made since I made the one to get the Lap Band done almost a year ago. *happy tears*
So, it has now been a month since I decided to do the Advocare challenge. I shall write more about that in just a moment.
Since the last post I did a weigh in at True Results.
On 5/8/13 I weighed 307. We added .4cc to make a total of 4.2cc in the band now.
Today I got on the scale and 301.8!!!! If you don't believe me .. see below
05/17/13 omg so close to 299! #letsgetit |
start of Advocare 24 Day Challenge |
I went to the Zoo with Justice for Mother's Day... I was swimming in that very same shirt!
I am beyond excited to be out of that plateau and back into the groove of losing weight. This has been the best decision I made since I made the one to get the Lap Band done almost a year ago. *happy tears*
So this is how I spend my time now ...
My 24 Day Challenge |
Spring Breakthrough with my Cousin |
These used to fit .. I am swimming in these now too! |
This was Mother's Day dinner with the family .. it gets kinda cray cray sometimes, but we always have FUN! |
Watermelon Spark .. now available and amazeballs! |
This is what my body craves now! |
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Advocare - Here I Come!
I decided to take the plunge and do the 24 day Challenge! I am beyond excited and ready!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Weigh In - Trying not to check OUT
April 17, 2013
So, today was adjustment day. I weighed myself at home and I was 310.8 and I got to their office and I was 308. There used to be a 4 lb difference; I think I set myself up for let down by relying on that.
Technically, I lost 2 lbs in 3 weeks. That is good. That should be good, but it doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment. It is rather a bit of a let down actually. I have been going to the gym working out with a trainer and doing zumba. I've been "tight", so I've limited myself on what I am willing to try. I might even be on the edge of saying that I am not eating enough. Ugh. That is just how I feel about it right now. UGH.
So, no adjustment. I was honest with the NP and told her that I wanted a barium test to make sure that I actually wasn't tight already because I felt like anything I put in my mouth would trigger me to being full and I wouldn't really be hungry. I am certain this isn't the "green zone" but that the band is working. I was sort of right. I actually have the perfect amount of restriction right now. No bulging of the pouch and there was restriction. Now, I get to go back in 3 weeks which will be a week shy of my 1 year surgiversary. I am torn on how to feel about that. I had the mentality that I needed to be at that green zone before I hit my year because there is no way I can afford to pay $45 a visit to find that green zone considering that I was 7 1/2 months into the lap-band journey before I got port revision surgery. I am not sure how that works and they may let me have a few more visits with no copay since I am a self pay. I won't know until I ask at my next visit.
I am learning, however, that I can't dwell or anticipate what the next visit will be like or I will just self-defeat. My mind is a terrible thing to let wander and I tend to go negative with it when I do.
I just have to keep telling myself that I can do this. This will not defeat me. I CAN and WILL get to my first mini goal of being 299 before my 1 year surgiversary.
So, today was adjustment day. I weighed myself at home and I was 310.8 and I got to their office and I was 308. There used to be a 4 lb difference; I think I set myself up for let down by relying on that.
Technically, I lost 2 lbs in 3 weeks. That is good. That should be good, but it doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment. It is rather a bit of a let down actually. I have been going to the gym working out with a trainer and doing zumba. I've been "tight", so I've limited myself on what I am willing to try. I might even be on the edge of saying that I am not eating enough. Ugh. That is just how I feel about it right now. UGH.
So, no adjustment. I was honest with the NP and told her that I wanted a barium test to make sure that I actually wasn't tight already because I felt like anything I put in my mouth would trigger me to being full and I wouldn't really be hungry. I am certain this isn't the "green zone" but that the band is working. I was sort of right. I actually have the perfect amount of restriction right now. No bulging of the pouch and there was restriction. Now, I get to go back in 3 weeks which will be a week shy of my 1 year surgiversary. I am torn on how to feel about that. I had the mentality that I needed to be at that green zone before I hit my year because there is no way I can afford to pay $45 a visit to find that green zone considering that I was 7 1/2 months into the lap-band journey before I got port revision surgery. I am not sure how that works and they may let me have a few more visits with no copay since I am a self pay. I won't know until I ask at my next visit.
I am learning, however, that I can't dwell or anticipate what the next visit will be like or I will just self-defeat. My mind is a terrible thing to let wander and I tend to go negative with it when I do.
I just have to keep telling myself that I can do this. This will not defeat me. I CAN and WILL get to my first mini goal of being 299 before my 1 year surgiversary.
This is what she gave me .. Interesting enough . worth a try |
Friday, April 12, 2013
Gearing up for Fill #2
Friday, April 12, 2013.
So, yesterday was the 3 year anniversary of my mother passing. It was more rough emotionally on Weds. then yesterday. I think I just get so anxious and worried about how I am going to make it through the day that I work myself up into a frenzy and the emotional eating takes over.
I did, however, make it a point to write my grief letter finally. I was more emotional writing that than just thinking about my mother yesterday. It is rough stuff, but I still pretty good eating wise. I know that the grief blogging is certainly helping, I just see that it is keeping me from blogging on here about my weight loss. I think once the scale starts to work again (it works just fine, but not giving me numbers to be proud of) then I will start posting again regularly.
I have been on a zumba kick, of course this is nothing really new. I have said before that I like to go to zumba. Just now, I seem to have more energy to make it through the workout and to put in more effort during the class. I have my trainer, Will, that pushes me effectively. There are some days that I just look at him and wonder what in the world I was thinking, but then he has me do something that I don't think is going to work or make me sore and BAM the next day I feel soreness in muscles that I can't ever remember being sore in before. It is a bittersweet feeling.
my trainer, Will |
NSV .. got my elliptical mile to 14 minutes! First time EVER~! |
I had a tummy virus and this is the lowest it has been in 5 years. |
Zumba .. even your knees sweat! |
Zumba does a body good! |
So, yeah .. I get another fill on Wednesday of next week. I am not sure how to feel about that. I get hungry at night. I am sure that is just emotional eating, but during the day I can get away with drinking a protein shake for breakfast and some coffee. For lunch, it will be either a protein shake or protein bar or a salad from Antoine's or Jason's Deli. I really want to get started on grilling veggies and eating those instead of fueling my body with the yuck yuck. Oh, and I NEED new work out clothes. This Nike shirt has seen better days and the other two have bleach stains. I can't go to the gym like that. Okay, so I can and who gives a funk about what anyone thinks, but then again .. I don't want to. I also need to get some new shoes and maybe insoles. Working on it!
This was Wednesday 4/3/13. I was so proud of my 2 miles and 30 minutes. |
Monday, April 8, 2013
OH THE LIFE OF A BLOG SLACKER
Monday, April 8, 2013.
So, I would love to say that I have been so busy losing that I haven't had time to blog, but on the contrary, I have spent the last 4 weeks with some ailment or another. One week it was strep throat, the next it was bronchitis and then the next week it was a stomach virus. I managed to get down to 307, but as soon as my tummy was better, I promptly gained back that 8lbs lost and am back at a high of 320ish. I just don't get it. I work out, I do protein shakes, I do Zumba and the scale is going the wrong direction. It is disheartening. I just want to give up, but I can't let myself feel sorry for myself. I just have to shake it off and work just that much harder.
I haven't been a total blogger slacker though, I have been blogging through my grief journey and that seems to be helping with my emotional eating.
So, I would love to say that I have been so busy losing that I haven't had time to blog, but on the contrary, I have spent the last 4 weeks with some ailment or another. One week it was strep throat, the next it was bronchitis and then the next week it was a stomach virus. I managed to get down to 307, but as soon as my tummy was better, I promptly gained back that 8lbs lost and am back at a high of 320ish. I just don't get it. I work out, I do protein shakes, I do Zumba and the scale is going the wrong direction. It is disheartening. I just want to give up, but I can't let myself feel sorry for myself. I just have to shake it off and work just that much harder.
I haven't been a total blogger slacker though, I have been blogging through my grief journey and that seems to be helping with my emotional eating.
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