Thursday, April 18, 2013

Advocare - Here I Come!

I decided to take the plunge and do the 24 day Challenge!  I am beyond excited and ready! 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Weigh In - Trying not to check OUT

April 17, 2013

So, today was adjustment day. I weighed myself at home and I was 310.8 and I got to their office and I was 308. There used to be a 4 lb difference; I think I set myself up for let down by relying on that.

Technically, I lost 2 lbs in 3 weeks. That is good. That should be good, but it doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment. It is rather a bit of a let down actually. I have been going to the gym working out with a trainer and doing zumba. I've been "tight", so I've limited myself on what I am willing to try. I might even be on the edge of saying that I am not eating enough.  Ugh. That is just how I feel about it right now. UGH.

So, no adjustment. I was honest with the NP and told her that I wanted a barium test to make sure that I actually wasn't tight already because I felt like anything I put in my mouth would trigger me to being full and I wouldn't really be hungry. I am certain this isn't the "green zone" but that the band is working. I was sort of right. I actually have the perfect amount of restriction right now. No bulging of the pouch and there was restriction.  Now, I get to go back in 3 weeks which will be a week shy of my 1 year surgiversary.  I am torn on how to feel about that. I had the mentality that I needed to be at that green zone before I hit my year because there is no way I can afford to pay $45 a visit to find that green zone considering that I was 7 1/2 months into the lap-band journey before I got port revision surgery. I am not sure how that works and they may let me have a few more visits with no copay since I am a self pay. I won't know until I ask at my next visit.

I am learning, however, that I can't dwell or anticipate what the next visit will be like or I will just self-defeat.  My mind is a terrible thing to let wander and I tend to go negative with it when I do.

I just have to keep telling myself that I can do this. This will not defeat me. I CAN and WILL get to my first mini goal of being 299 before my 1 year surgiversary.

This is what she gave me .. Interesting enough . worth a try 

Friday, April 12, 2013

Gearing up for Fill #2

Friday, April 12, 2013.

So, yesterday was the 3 year anniversary of my mother passing. It was more rough emotionally on Weds. then yesterday. I think I just get so anxious and worried about how I am going to make it through the day that I work myself up into a frenzy and the emotional eating takes over. 
I did, however, make it a point to write my grief letter finally.  I was more emotional writing that than just thinking about my mother yesterday. It is rough stuff, but I still pretty good eating wise. I know that the grief blogging is certainly helping, I just see that it is keeping me from blogging on here about my weight loss. I think once the scale starts to work again (it works just fine, but not giving me numbers to be proud of) then I will start posting again regularly. 
I have been on a zumba kick, of course this is nothing really new. I have said before that I like to go to zumba. Just now, I seem to have more energy to make it through the workout and to put in more effort during the class. I have my trainer, Will, that pushes me effectively. There are some days that I just look at him and wonder what in the world I was thinking, but then he has me do something that I don't think is going to work or make me sore and BAM the next day I feel soreness in muscles that I can't ever remember being sore in before.  It is a bittersweet feeling.
my trainer, Will 

NSV .. got my elliptical mile to 14 minutes! First time EVER~!

I had a tummy virus and this is the lowest it has been in 5 years. 

Zumba .. even your knees sweat!

Zumba does a body good!
So, yeah .. I get another fill on Wednesday of next week. I am not sure how to feel about that. I get hungry at night. I am sure that is just emotional eating, but during the day I can get away with drinking a protein shake for breakfast and some coffee. For lunch, it will be either a protein shake or protein bar or a salad from Antoine's or Jason's Deli.  I really want to get started on grilling veggies and eating those instead of fueling my body with the yuck yuck.  Oh, and I NEED new work out clothes. This Nike shirt has seen better days and the other two have bleach stains. I can't go to the gym like that. Okay, so I can and who gives a funk about what anyone thinks, but then again .. I don't want to.  I also need to get some new shoes and maybe insoles.  Working on it!
This was Wednesday 4/3/13. I was so proud of my 2 miles and 30 minutes. 

Monday, April 8, 2013


Monday, April 8, 2013.

So, I would love to say that I have been so busy losing that I haven't had time to blog, but on the contrary, I have spent the last 4 weeks with some ailment or another.  One week it was strep throat, the next it was bronchitis and then the next week it was a stomach virus. I managed to get down to 307, but as soon as my tummy was better, I promptly gained back that 8lbs lost and am back at a high of 320ish. I just don't get it. I work out, I do protein shakes, I do Zumba and the scale is going the wrong direction. It is disheartening. I just want to give up, but I can't let myself feel sorry for myself. I just have to shake it off and work just that much harder.
I haven't been a total blogger slacker though, I have been blogging through my grief journey and that seems to be helping with my emotional eating.