Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Checking in!


So, I haven't checked in for a while. It has been a real journey trying to stay on track with my weight loss while working my way through my grief process. I am so thankful that I have had the lap-band and AdvoCare in my life to help me keep on the weight loss while I am working through this time, because the journeys really do go hand in hand. I come to realize that I have a relationship with food that isn't always the best. I would turn to food to try and feel better, and now that I am limited in my intake abilities I have been able to really ask myself "are you really hungry" "are you thirsty" "are you just sad" because these questions we take for granted.
Here I am in all my glory. My heaviest weight and my lowest weight since 1996!  Actually, I can, for the first time in a long time, say "I am high school skinny" and then some. Because I bought my first pair of size 22 jeans on Sunday. What a glorious day to walk into the store and fit in a pair of 22 jeans! I have been a size 24 since my freshman year in high school.  The picture on the left was my heaviest and I was in a size 28 jeans because the 26 fit tight. I am excited at the changes I am seeing. I am finally seeing them. I know that I have lost weight, but a part of me still sees that big girl on the left. Still wanting to cover up and hide. Still not sure if I am this or that. However, the change is the mindset. I have decided that 2014 is my year to go above and beyond. 2014 is my year to push forward and to change the mindset so that I am the change I want and strive to see in the world. I want to help others. I want to inspire others and I aspire to be better tomorrow than I am today. That sounds very pageant of me, but it really is true.
I've started reading more and trying to watch tv less. I am trying to better my mind, body and soul.  I am blessed to be on this journey and I can't wait to see where this year leads me!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Milestone Reached!

It is official .. meaning two days in a row the scale stayed the same ... this girl hit 299! I am overjoyed and filled with so many emotions. THIS is only the beginning. NO looking back. NO regrets. NO excuses!

by Christmas I was down to 320 lbs. 

Milestone Reached 05/18/13!

Friday, May 17, 2013

Checking In

Friday May 17, 2013.

So, it has now been a month since I decided to do the Advocare challenge. I shall write more about that in just a moment.

Since the last post I did a weigh in at True Results.
On 5/8/13 I weighed 307. We added .4cc to make a total of 4.2cc in the band now.

Today I got on the scale and 301.8!!!! If you don't believe me .. see below
05/17/13 omg so close to 299! #letsgetit
I am so grateful to my cousin for getting me to the Advocare mixer at her house. I said no several times because I wanted to see this band succeed by itself with my eating right and working out. I was in a plateau. I would bounce between 308 and 310.  When I started the challenge I was 310.6.
start of Advocare 24 Day Challenge

I went to the Zoo with Justice for Mother's Day... I was swimming in that very same shirt!

I am beyond excited to be out of that plateau and back into the groove of losing weight. This has been the best decision I made since I made the one to get the Lap Band done almost a year ago.  *happy tears*

So this is how I spend my time now ...


My 24 Day Challenge

Spring Breakthrough with my Cousin

These used to fit .. I am swimming in these now too!

This was Mother's Day dinner with the family .. it gets kinda cray cray sometimes, but we always have FUN!

Watermelon Spark .. now available and amazeballs!

This is what my body craves now!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Advocare - Here I Come!

I decided to take the plunge and do the 24 day Challenge!  I am beyond excited and ready! 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Weigh In - Trying not to check OUT

April 17, 2013

So, today was adjustment day. I weighed myself at home and I was 310.8 and I got to their office and I was 308. There used to be a 4 lb difference; I think I set myself up for let down by relying on that.

Technically, I lost 2 lbs in 3 weeks. That is good. That should be good, but it doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment. It is rather a bit of a let down actually. I have been going to the gym working out with a trainer and doing zumba. I've been "tight", so I've limited myself on what I am willing to try. I might even be on the edge of saying that I am not eating enough.  Ugh. That is just how I feel about it right now. UGH.

So, no adjustment. I was honest with the NP and told her that I wanted a barium test to make sure that I actually wasn't tight already because I felt like anything I put in my mouth would trigger me to being full and I wouldn't really be hungry. I am certain this isn't the "green zone" but that the band is working. I was sort of right. I actually have the perfect amount of restriction right now. No bulging of the pouch and there was restriction.  Now, I get to go back in 3 weeks which will be a week shy of my 1 year surgiversary.  I am torn on how to feel about that. I had the mentality that I needed to be at that green zone before I hit my year because there is no way I can afford to pay $45 a visit to find that green zone considering that I was 7 1/2 months into the lap-band journey before I got port revision surgery. I am not sure how that works and they may let me have a few more visits with no copay since I am a self pay. I won't know until I ask at my next visit.

I am learning, however, that I can't dwell or anticipate what the next visit will be like or I will just self-defeat.  My mind is a terrible thing to let wander and I tend to go negative with it when I do.

I just have to keep telling myself that I can do this. This will not defeat me. I CAN and WILL get to my first mini goal of being 299 before my 1 year surgiversary.

This is what she gave me .. Interesting enough . worth a try 

Friday, April 12, 2013

Gearing up for Fill #2

Friday, April 12, 2013.

So, yesterday was the 3 year anniversary of my mother passing. It was more rough emotionally on Weds. then yesterday. I think I just get so anxious and worried about how I am going to make it through the day that I work myself up into a frenzy and the emotional eating takes over. 
I did, however, make it a point to write my grief letter finally.  I was more emotional writing that than just thinking about my mother yesterday. It is rough stuff, but I still pretty good eating wise. I know that the grief blogging is certainly helping, I just see that it is keeping me from blogging on here about my weight loss. I think once the scale starts to work again (it works just fine, but not giving me numbers to be proud of) then I will start posting again regularly. 
I have been on a zumba kick, of course this is nothing really new. I have said before that I like to go to zumba. Just now, I seem to have more energy to make it through the workout and to put in more effort during the class. I have my trainer, Will, that pushes me effectively. There are some days that I just look at him and wonder what in the world I was thinking, but then he has me do something that I don't think is going to work or make me sore and BAM the next day I feel soreness in muscles that I can't ever remember being sore in before.  It is a bittersweet feeling.
my trainer, Will 

NSV .. got my elliptical mile to 14 minutes! First time EVER~!

I had a tummy virus and this is the lowest it has been in 5 years. 

Zumba .. even your knees sweat!

Zumba does a body good!
So, yeah .. I get another fill on Wednesday of next week. I am not sure how to feel about that. I get hungry at night. I am sure that is just emotional eating, but during the day I can get away with drinking a protein shake for breakfast and some coffee. For lunch, it will be either a protein shake or protein bar or a salad from Antoine's or Jason's Deli.  I really want to get started on grilling veggies and eating those instead of fueling my body with the yuck yuck.  Oh, and I NEED new work out clothes. This Nike shirt has seen better days and the other two have bleach stains. I can't go to the gym like that. Okay, so I can and who gives a funk about what anyone thinks, but then again .. I don't want to.  I also need to get some new shoes and maybe insoles.  Working on it!
This was Wednesday 4/3/13. I was so proud of my 2 miles and 30 minutes. 

Monday, April 8, 2013


Monday, April 8, 2013.

So, I would love to say that I have been so busy losing that I haven't had time to blog, but on the contrary, I have spent the last 4 weeks with some ailment or another.  One week it was strep throat, the next it was bronchitis and then the next week it was a stomach virus. I managed to get down to 307, but as soon as my tummy was better, I promptly gained back that 8lbs lost and am back at a high of 320ish. I just don't get it. I work out, I do protein shakes, I do Zumba and the scale is going the wrong direction. It is disheartening. I just want to give up, but I can't let myself feel sorry for myself. I just have to shake it off and work just that much harder.
I haven't been a total blogger slacker though, I have been blogging through my grief journey and that seems to be helping with my emotional eating.