Wednesday, February 20, 2013

20 days Post OP

Wednesday, 2/20/13. Well, I haven't written because I just haven't had much to say. It sucks not being able to get to the gym and grind like I did before the surgery this time. I know I will get back to that point, but the waiting around is sucking ass. I went to the gym last night and did Zumba and then got on the treadmill for about 10 minutes. I did some walking and put a little jog in my step. It felt fantabulous!  I have wanted to feel that feeling for so long! The good music and the good company surely made the difference. I can't wait to do it all over again! I woke up to my feel hurting. I think it is time to bite the bullet and get some better shoes. While the Sketchers are good for day to day wear, they certainly don't supportive enough in the arch or in the ankles for the aerobic moves of Zumba or the treadmill.
I got to looking in the mirror last night. I don't see 40 lbs lost. I still see the muffin top. I still see the huge arms. I still see the double chin. Okay, it used to be a triple chin, but still. I am so ready to see the outside reflect the girl that is on the inside. I actually looked at my before pictures for the first time yesterday. I posted them in the original post and will do a side by side with the pre-op pictures from the day before surgery this second time.  I see a little change, but at the same time, I still don't like the girl I see in those pictures. I want to feel beautiful and sexy. Come on already!  Le Sigh. :(

Friday, February 8, 2013

1 Week Post Op

Friday, 02/08/13. I can't believe it has already been a week. It certainly flies by. So, let me recap.
Friday surgery day 02/01/13.
Always love a pre-op picture

I had to be at the surgery center at 9am. I got there and it was rather calm. The waiting room was full of people, but Tiffany and I were just hanging out and talking. (about food nonetheless!) The new lady over the forward circle program came out to meet me and then I got called up to sign all my paperwork. She and Tiffany got in some good conversation. I am glad that just by association I have been able to connect people!   When I got up from the reception area and signing all my paperwork, I got noticed by a lady that had been to a support group meeting. It was awesome. She was concerned that I was having surgery again since she sort of remembered that I had the surgery already. We talked for a bit and I told her about the awesome meeting we had on Tuesday. I really am an advocate for more people coming to the support group.  After I finished talking to her, I was on my way back to my seat near Tiffany and I got noticed by yet another lady that comes to the support group meetings. It was awesome. She too was taken back that I was having surgery again because she didn't make it to the Tuesday meeting. I didn't find out until Tuesday that I was going to have to do this again, so it isn't like I could really tell anyone before then.  I talked to her and it feels good to reassure other people and motivate other people along the way. I finally got to sit and talk with Tiffany and Susie again and got some helpful tips. Good times. I got called back and got prepped, only to have to wait in that bed for a couple of hours. Not too bad. At least the bed was comfortable and the blanket was warm. I got in a lot of laughs with Tiffany before surgery and finally went back at 1 pm.  By the time I woke up in recovery and asked what time it was, it was 330 pm. I don't think surgery lasted that long, but the nurse said they let me sleep a while. I was one of the last ones to move to the recovery area after getting dressed. Right away I noticed I was thirsty. That was a sensation that I hadn't felt in more than 200 days! Holy cow. I think I like this.  I got discharged and headed to the pharmacy to pick up my pain meds and then off to bed.
Saturday 2/2/13. Wow, wtf did I do to myself. Really Amber?  Okay, so it wasn't THAT bad and honestly, I remember hurting more and not being able to get out of bed, off the couch or out of the chair by myself. This time I was doing it alone. I have to admit that I missed having someone there to keep me company. No one to talk to or just watch me snore. Not that I get off on people watching me snore, but there was something comforting about having my baby sister there last time that was just missing this time.  Pain medicine per bottle and sleeping to suit.
Sunday 2/3/13.  Totally not that bad. Sore, but got to get me together so I can get to work tomorrow. I know, I know I just had surgery, but I also know that we are short staffed and I am starting to think that I should have put this surgery off for a week just so that the end of the month and end of the year numbers, spreadsheets, tasks and just stuff I do could get done. Flip side, I needed this to be done already. Time to make sure that I keep some focus on Amber. I miss my baby. :(
Monday 2/4/13. Went to work and I knew the purchasing dude was not going to be at work, so that chore automatically gets picked up by me. That sort of is how it goes since I know the job.  The a/r girl called in "sick" although she took off work early on Friday to go out of town for her birthday weekend. There is something wrong when you sort of just know and can expect behaviors and situations from certain people. Hell, I had surgery on Friday and was still at work on Monday. Priorities people.  A hangover hardly constitutes a sickness. I AM JUST SAYING.  I called the pediatrician and got an appointment for Justice. He had been running a fever since Saturday. Makes me sad that I couldn't take care of him. These are the moments that I wonder if I am doing the right things. I left work for my "lunch break" and went to the pedi's office only to find out that Justice tested positive for the flu. :| So, great. Just had surgery and vulnerable and now I have to call the doctor and find out if I need to be put on Tamiflu so that I can decrease the risk of me getting the flu since I really can't afford to sick with that and trying to heal from surgery. I tried to take it easy, but with all the up and down and moving about, I hit my threshold at 2 pm. My PCP called in a script and I went to pick it up. $55 for that Tamiflu. OMG. I took my pain meds and got in the bed. I felt like I was going to pass out.  I woke up and drank some broth and took the Tamiflu and then I got nausea. I hurled. It wasn't like right after I took it, so I know it got in my stomach, but I tried so hard not to hurl. I pissed myself. TWICE. TMI, I am sorry. It is not a glorious life I tell you.
Tuesday, 02/05/13. I woke up sore from hurling the night before. I got up and went to work. I started to feel the nausea coming back. I was literally swallowing to fight the nausea. I left work at 1030. I just couldn't do it. I gave in and listened to my body and went home. I took a shower and laid in the bed with a wet wash cloth over my head and passed out. I didn't get up until 730 pm. I drank some broth, only to get nausea creeping up again, so I quickly took another shower and got my damp wash cloth and back in the bed. I took Wednesday off as per the NP's high suggestion and rested. I don't know what it is like to just sit still or just lay down. This just doesn't feel "normal" to me. More so, it is rough stuff not being able to hug and kiss on my baby boy. I miss him.
Thursday, 2/7/13. I got up feeling rested and better. Got to work with purpose. I had a long list of things that I needed to get accomplished. I got my payables caught up and the commission prelim spreadsheets done. I got the payable stuff ready for after the boss prints his reports for last month.  It was a busy day, but it felt good to catch up. I had to just remind myself that what didn't get accomplished this day could and would get done the next. I think I just got overwhelmed on Monday at the thought of all that needed to get done. It isn't like me to get overwhelmed by my regular tasks. My body was telling me to slow down and my mind was moving a bazillion miles a hour. By 5 pm, I was exhausted. I looked it and felt it. I went to get my taxes done because I finally had all the paperwork I needed and well, I need my refund like yesterday. I went home and watched some tv and then off to bed.
So, that brings us to today. I am exhausted still. I am so ready to go pick up my baby boy. He is ready too. I have decided not to let the stress bring me down, because in the long run, that will only hinder my healing progress. It is still early in the morning and I am feeling like I could use a good nap, but thankfully the day is progressing steadily.
Heprin bruise. yucky!

Day 3 post op ... not too bad. he used the same scars. 

I dropped the can opener on my foot and made a bruise. darn pain meds!

The scale as of 2/8/13. YAY! 

Friday, February 1, 2013

Surgery Day! EKKK!

Friday, February 1, 2013.
Wow, it came so fast and while I am physically ready for this to be done, I keep having moments of emotional turmoil.
I am concerned that I feel compelled to write the following:

If anything should happen to me, know that it is my wishes and deepest concern that Justice Schoen not be given to his father. Anthony McQueen has shown over the last 4 years that he has little concern with our child. He can't even be bothered to come and get our son on the 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends. His last few visits have been pick ups on Sunday around 11am and bring home at 8-9pm. This is not stability. While I am Justice's only true stability, he has been around my family more consistently than even being around his father.  His Godmother, Eva Flores, is who I would ask to be his caregiver.  These are my wishes.  If by no other chance Justice has to go with his father, then I make the request that CPS keep tabs on the situation.  I know for a fact that the other boys get left at home alone. The oldest is 13 or 14. That is still not a proper age to be leaving children at home.  My son is four. He needs supervision. A 14 year old cannot be that supervision.  My child also has complained about bullying from him older brother, Jordan. I would not want my child to be getting hit and picked on by his brothers. While I understand there is "brotherly love", Justice simply is NOT around them enough for him to be put in that situation in a full time capacity.

Whew, okay, now that is off my chest. I kept thinking this last night and then again this morning. I cringe at the thought of my baby having to endure that part of the "family" for more than just a couple of days. I guess it is a blessing in disguise that Anthony only comes to get Justice once or twice a month for just a day or two.

So, now I am just waiting for Tiffany to come and get me so we can head to True Results. I'll post updates later.

Mommy loves you with all her heart!