Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Weigh In - Trying not to check OUT

April 17, 2013

So, today was adjustment day. I weighed myself at home and I was 310.8 and I got to their office and I was 308. There used to be a 4 lb difference; I think I set myself up for let down by relying on that.

Technically, I lost 2 lbs in 3 weeks. That is good. That should be good, but it doesn't feel like much of an accomplishment. It is rather a bit of a let down actually. I have been going to the gym working out with a trainer and doing zumba. I've been "tight", so I've limited myself on what I am willing to try. I might even be on the edge of saying that I am not eating enough.  Ugh. That is just how I feel about it right now. UGH.

So, no adjustment. I was honest with the NP and told her that I wanted a barium test to make sure that I actually wasn't tight already because I felt like anything I put in my mouth would trigger me to being full and I wouldn't really be hungry. I am certain this isn't the "green zone" but that the band is working. I was sort of right. I actually have the perfect amount of restriction right now. No bulging of the pouch and there was restriction.  Now, I get to go back in 3 weeks which will be a week shy of my 1 year surgiversary.  I am torn on how to feel about that. I had the mentality that I needed to be at that green zone before I hit my year because there is no way I can afford to pay $45 a visit to find that green zone considering that I was 7 1/2 months into the lap-band journey before I got port revision surgery. I am not sure how that works and they may let me have a few more visits with no copay since I am a self pay. I won't know until I ask at my next visit.

I am learning, however, that I can't dwell or anticipate what the next visit will be like or I will just self-defeat.  My mind is a terrible thing to let wander and I tend to go negative with it when I do.

I just have to keep telling myself that I can do this. This will not defeat me. I CAN and WILL get to my first mini goal of being 299 before my 1 year surgiversary.

This is what she gave me .. Interesting enough . worth a try 

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