Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Feeling Blah

March 25, 2013.
So, once again I have been a blogger slacker. I haven't really done much to speak about per se.  I have been going to the gym and that is good. I started working out with a new trainer last week. He pushes me just enough and that is good. I fuss and fight, but he pushes me because he believes that I can do it. I just need to believe that I can do it and just do it. Period. I have still be going to church to work on my grieving. The 20th marked 3 years since my sister passed away. I had so much more anxiety and stress about the approaching day than on the actual day. I planted some flowers then went and worked out with my trainer. It was a good day besides the ticket I got for going 5 miles over the speed limit. Bastard cop had nothing better to do than hide behind a sign and pull people over. I saw him do it to two other people after me. This cop needs a life.
Any who, so I did Zumba last week and then training on Wednesday and Friday.  I was so sore in my glutimus maximus that it hurtimus alotimus!
Time to do it all over again this week. I still haven't seen a decrease in the scale or in my clothes, although people tell me that they see it. I figure it will take me longer to see it than others.
It is some what discouraging that the weight isn't just "falling" off. I know this was the slower and more cost effective surgery, but it starting to mess with my mojo.
I have also had a lot of port tenderness. I wake up on some nights with pain in the port region. It feels like my port is ripping at my skin on the inside. Even to use my arm to push myself onto my back or other side hurts once I feel that pain in my port area. Sucks ass.
I have noticed some restriction, but not much with this last fill. I am just ready for satiety to work its way back into my life. I also am going to make another appointment to go do my blood work. I have a feeling that my tiredness and lack of energy is due to the thyroid and since I haven't been on any medicine for that since surgery last year, I think that it might have something to do with my weight retention.  I just need the blood work paperwork from my PCP and then I can get it done.
Tomorrow is fill day. I am ready. I am geared up. After that I have to take Justice to go get his 4 year old check up and get the other round of his shots. I have him on a delayed schedule still since I just don't think it is right or fair to give a kid 4-6 vaccinations all at one time. He is going to have a BF tomorrow, but it is a necessity.
Oh well, such is life. This journey has had its ups and downs, but through it all, I have found a new Amber and I think I like the gal.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I am a blog slacker

I can't believe that I haven't been back on here to write. It seems like I am avoiding, yet not really. I have come to realize that I have to work through my weight loss and my grieving at the same time and it isn't easy. I tend to get overwhelmed in my grief that I start to emotionally eat and then it sets back my weight loss. This isn't something that I haven't said before. Yet, it feels "new" when I write it in here again. It is as if I don't remember saying it before, but if I go back and read the blog, then I remember that I HAVE said it before and then it becomes redundant. I feel like I have to keep reminding myself that ROME wasn't built in one day. I keep hearing people tell me that I am losing weight, yet I struggle to see it for myself. I think in part because I am still wearing the same clothes. Probably to my demise. I am, however, working towards getting better.
So, I went to my surgeon appointment last week on the 5th and got released to get my first fill. I lost 4lbs since surgery day. That was nice, yet underwhelming. I was feeling like I was coming down with a cold or something, but was able to get an appointment at True Results for the next morning. Thank goodness I know who to call in order to get in. I got to that appointment and saw Roxanne for the first time in a month and she was as excited to see me as I was to see her. It felt good to have someone who genuinely cared about how I was doing. She read over the chart and true to form, it was just a patch job. I had HIGH hopes that I wasn't just mended, but apparently the only replacement was the port. She did a pull of the fluid in the band and it was 2.4 cc and so she put in .6 to make me reach 3 cc.
As of this morning I think I am down another 2-3 lbs since last week.
I left the fill visit and called my PCP and got an appointment right away. I know my body and I knew that the tickle in my throat that turned to hurt after two days was strep. I just knew. Irritates me yet I am glad that I listened to myself and went in to the doctor. I got a shot. My throat started feeling better, but Justice started barking and I was barking and so I took him to the pediatrician on Friday. He was negative for strep on the fast results, but she sent off for the two day swab. I got a call yesterday saying that his test did come back with some bacteria growing so she called in a script. I called my doctor because my chest cold wasn't going away. I got called in a script, but the pharmacy didn't have the medicine, so I have to go back today to get it. I am glad that I got Justice started though. Hoping that by this weekend we both with be free and clear of this yuck yuck. I feel like I have bronchitis because my chest is heavy and green stuff isn't the norm for me or anyone for that matter. Hell, I should have become a doctor. I am getting good and diagnosing myself. LOL.

So, I haven't been on the treadmill in a couple of days and am so ready to get back on it. I just haven't had the energy to get on it. I can't go to the gym until I get this antibiotic in me because the last thing I need is more germs invading my body. Ugh. Enough already!

I weighed this morning. My scale said 314.8. My scale is 5 lbs off from the doctor's office, but I like to keep my weight by my scale. Keeps me level headed I guess. I am so ready to be under 300!