Friday, 1/25/13. It has been a week since my last post and I am not sure how I am feeling.
Thursday 1/17/13 I had that day of emotions and then that night I went to water aerobics for the first time. It was so fun. I thought I was going to be the only fat one in there, then I wasn't. Friday was just a day. Went to the gym for training. Fought with baby daddy. Felt like I wanted to crawl into a whole and swallow all the ice cream I could get my hands on. Saturday, I got up and got out. Went to Ikea and let Justice play in the kid's club area while I shopped. I got him a shelving unit and some cubes for that. I felt like I got something accomplished. I went to Fiesta after that trip and walked around and got good stuff to fill my fridge and freezer with and then headed home. Sunday, went to Wal-mart and then to Sam's Club. Apparently, it was my weekend to WALK!
Monday 1/21/13, I went to training after work and then straight on to grief share at church. I was struggling because I found out that morning that my salesman's wife had passed away from cancer that morning at midnight. While she was no longer in pain and I do believe she went to heaven and is in a glorious place, I had just talked to her the previous Monday on the phone and gosh that last "hi Amber" will stay with me. *tear* .. that being said, I knew that I needed to go to church and be in my "safe" place to talk about my grief. It seems that this passing brought up the feelings again. I started getting what they call ambush feelings. I started to remember certain times in my losses and it made them feel brand new again. No Bueno. So, going and praying and doing the class helped.
However, the stress and anxiety over it made my chest and band tight. I wasn't able to eat much. Tuesday, 1/22/13, I was still fairly tight all day and was still only getting down protein shakes. I decided to try water aerobics with a different teacher and it was so good. She was like a drill sergeant and kept us moving the entire time. It was good and having Tiffany there as support was awesome.
Wednesday and Thursday were very tight days and I was still in my emotional funk. I decided to lay low at home. Thankfully, funds being as they are, I wasn't able to go splurge on junk food and was stuck with the healthy options already at my home. Friday was supposed to be a hour training session, but I remembered on Thursday that I had a surprise party to go to on Friday, so I cancelled the session. Friday was also the funeral for Dani. I struggled with my decision not to go all the way up until the funeral was over. It, for me, was a matter of doing what was best for my sanity. I felt that going would just set me back emotionally and bring up things that I wasn't ready to work on just yet. I am just now in the class and working through the process and I just got to where I couldn't sleep, eat or drink with anticipation of going.
Friday 1/25/13. RIP Dani Holeman. Happy Birthday Corliss King. It was a great surprise party. I was so happy to be there to support Tiffany in her endeavor to pull off this surprise party. Her mom was so surprised and enjoyed herself.
One thing I have learned from class .. you can have joy and grief at the same time. I am a testimony to that. Losing one friend and celebrating another all in the same day. God is good.