Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Tuesday, January 15, 2013.  Not a full week has gone by! Yay, I am getting better at this. I surely have had plenty to write about on the weight loss front.
Thursday was Zumba at LA Fitness and it was awesome. Not as good as the previous week, but I think I was in a bit of a funk and paying too much attention to who was around me and not to what I was doing. It seemed to be a little lack luster for me. 
Friday was a day that was supposed to be fancy free, worry free and easy breezy. That is what I get for making a plan for the day. Friday, I was in court until 2 pm. I got a lawyer and still ended up sitting there all day and paying for deferred all because my cop showed up and wouldn't just let the ticket go. There were people who didn't have a license, didn't have insurance and were speeding or what not and they got to go. My cop decided that he wanted to be a jerk and make me stay all day and then still not give. Figures. I was down to my last few dollars. I had to pay $5 in parking. I didn't have any cash and if I left my parking spot, I ran the risk of losing the spot to someone else and would have to find the money to pay for parking all over again. I sat in my car and charged my cell phone. Only have had a protein shake on the way to court, I was hungry and emotional. I cried. Just my dumb luck that I am out of money, out of time, missing work and my cop would show.  I finally got released and got a salad on the way in to work. I called baby daddy to ask when he was coming to get Justice and he started giving me grief. I don't know why he bothers me so badly. Actually, I know, but I try and be civil anyway. So, he texts me after 5pm while I am in the daycare getting Justice. He wanted me to come meet him more than half way to Katy for him to get Justice for the weekend. For me, it is the principle of the matter. The fact that he doesn't pay child support on time and I shouldn't have to ask for it. He knows it is due each month. He says that business is slow, yet every time I ask if he is coming to get his son, he says that he is working. Something has got to give. SO, I called him and told him that I had something to do at 630 and wouldn't be done until 730ish. He said fine and I would call him when I was done. I had a really good workout with my trainer. I was able to push through that baby daddy frustration. I felt like I wanted to hit something or someone. I was able to work it out literally.
I called while I was in the sauna and asked where he wanted to meet. He said that he was on his way to a wreck and I said that I was going to go home, but that he would have to come all the way to pick up Justice. He got pissed and started yelling about how he isn't going to be at my beck and call. I hung up on him. I refuse to be yelled at, cussed out and disrespected. I got Justice from the Kids Club and he asked me if we were going to meet his dad. When I told him that we weren't, he started to cry. I texted baby daddy to ask him to call Justice later and talk to him because he was upset that he wasn't going to go over there. Baby daddy started angry texting. It was this point when I started wishing I had a gallon of Blue Bell ice cream in my freezer. It was at this point that I realized that he is a full on trigger to my emotional eating. He is a someone that can get to me to the point that I want to numb it with food or sweets. Hell, I don't have a thirst for liquor or that bottle of wine in my fridge would be gone already!
Saturday morning I got up and went to see a new trainer. I was referred by a friend. Thankfully Aunt Anna was able to come over and watch Justice for that 1-1/2 hr trip. It was just the break I needed. I was still pent up with anger towards the situation with baby daddy that I again used that inside rage to push through the workout. I, however, don't want to keep having to have arguments with him in order to make my workouts worth while.  I went home and was so exhausted mentally and physically that after Aunt Anna left, Justice and I laid down on the couches and passed out for 3 hours. I was just so spent that we didn't do much of anything else that day. Sunday was filled with the same. I was just so drained emotionally and sore from the previous days workouts that I just wanted to sleep. Part of it I think was a little depression. I really hate feeling like not doing anything.
Monday was grief share class day. It felt good to get back to where I needed to be. I seem to think of a million reasons not to go, but then find that million and 1 to go. It was good. Apparently, I needed to be there. I got in a good cry and it helped me to not want to eat emotionally.
Today is another day of Zumba. I am actually looking forward to getting in the gym and having fun for a hour. 

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